Lay off the Tofurkey

People tell me all the time, "Someone told me one time they don't like eating fake meats. And they were probably vegetarian once, so it must apply to you too!" Seriously, I must hear this a couple times a month. Even a close friend of mine says she doesn't like fake meat--it's so long since she ate meat or chicken that the fake stuff weirds her out. (But she still eats fish, so I'm not sure how she's feel about the fake fish at that awesome Chinese place that has a vegan version of every kind of animal flesh ever eaten.)
But the short answer is: nope, I love me some fake meats. You'll have to pry the Gardein from my cold, dead fingers. You take something that is vaguely shaped like a "chicken finger", bread it and fry it, and I'll dip that in some sauce and chow down before you can say "meat analog". I readily confess to craving chicken wings regularly. I don't miss chicken wings themselves--let's face it, they are weird and gross even to those who eat meat. What I miss about them is the wings themselves, it's the sauce and the fried goodness and the fact that you can get them everywhere--grocery store, pub, and a dozen places in between. It's the convenience dammit! And the same goes for Gardein, and veggie dogs, and Tofurkey--which I, according to the tradition of my people (vegans, not Canadians), had as Thanksgiving leftovers this morning, with bread and the included gravy. Analog meats are one of the few vegan "convenience" foods, that you can heat up and enjoy. Unlike the other 95% of the meals that I eat, which are hand-prepared by yours truly.
So lay off the Tofurkey. You're eating the original, which is nasty, cruel and shortens your life--don't question me for eating a version which is cruelty-free, convenient and just as delicious.